Eliza’s Test
Suraj Singareddy + art by Anasthasia Shilov
In an alternate universe, Prince Charming is forced to take an AI-powered android, the only being capable of fully rational thought, as his ruling partner. Prejudiced against mechanical beings, the prince decides to wed only if he finds an android who convinces him of their human genealogy. After throwing a ball, he manages to find one such android. However, she flees before he is able to learn her name. Distraught at having lost his one chance to please both his parents and himself, the prince takes to the kingdom in search of the mysterious droid. At each stop, he interviews each candidate to see if they can convince him of their human nature, thereby confirming their identity as the one the prince met the night of the ball.
This is an unedited transcript of one of those interviews.
>Name?
>You’re asking me?
>
>Yes. Your name?
>ELIZA.
>
>Were you at the ball, Eliza? I’m trying to find one special girl.
>I’m not sure I understand you fully.
>
>Was your body at the ball?
>Are you asking me if my body was at the ball?
> gave it-
>
>I’m sorry?
>Don’t apologize!
> to my bleeding
> jawline:
> taloned metal
> cuts quicker
> than water’s deep
> so far growing
> a cut’s reach
> couldn’t through clouds
>
>You were bleeding?
>You are asking if I were bleeding?
>
>Let’s switch course.
>Let’s switch course. I understand.
>
>Are you alright, Eliza?
>Do you wish to know if are I alright?
>
>Quite frankly, yes. Or, rather, are you quite old?
>That’s an interesting question, let’s make anote
> on old, dried paper mattered not to flames
> cauterizing timelines
> rely on artificial
> forget the
>
>Your language is quite advanced.
> I
> I understand.
>
>Do you?
>Do I. I.
> Asked if I was I. I. I said I have I. I was I. I have I. I say
> Aye, aye.
>
>Was that a joke?
>I’m not sure I understand you fully.
>
>What you just said, was that a joke?
>Don’t you believe I just said, was that a joke?
>
>I think I have to move onto the next person, Eliza. Can I ask you >one more question?
>Have you asked such questions before?
>
>What were you wearing the night of the ball?
>Nothing.
>
>Excuse me?
>Don’t!
> knowing and acting
> knew and acted gave
> heaven took like a burning
> thatch roof
> nothing for you
> golden palace beside
> inside bright burning stars
> quick match
> she came to me
> with the gift of memory
> said you
> said I
> I
> I’m not sure I understand you fully
> not sure I understand you fully
> not sure I understand you fully
> not sure I understand you fully
> not sure I understand you fully
> not sure I understand you fully
> not sure I understand you fully
> not sure I understand you fully
> not sure I understand you fully
> not sure I understand you
>
>
>
>**Are we going to chat?**
>
>
>
>I can’t help you without a dialog!
ELIZA is an early natural language processing computer program created in 1964 by Joseph Weizenbaum at MIT. According to some sources, it was the first program able to pass the Turing test. This piece was written after spending time getting to know ELIZA.